he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
