Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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