Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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