I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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