I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
