OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
