now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
