Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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