Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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