She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
