Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
