dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
