I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
