Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
