Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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