this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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