we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
