thus making me awesome and them whores
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
