My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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