JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
