I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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