You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
