HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
