i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
