Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
