mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
