Kiss
Puke
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
