Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
