new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
