I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
