What a fucking waste of an outfit
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
