i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
