That's intense
My first STD was from a foam party
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
