I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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