Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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