Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I could fuck to npr.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
