shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
