I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
