I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
