Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
