I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
