You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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