The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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