i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
