dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
