Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
