Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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