You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm always down for nudity.
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