In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
