She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
