then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
